6/29/97 Advice Column
If she won't say the words that she knows you need to hear to feel loved, she's risking your relationship. After all, you're not going to feel fully happy and we know what that leads to. Of course there's a problem here. When someone loves you they want to make you happy. How simple it would be for her to learn to express love in a way you can appreciate. Have a serious talk with your girlfirned and let her know that this is important to you. Try to get her to log onto this website and read "Inner Languages" in my Library. This article will explain how different people tend to express love differently.
We all have a natural tendency to express love to another the way we want to receive it. In other words, she may be a feeling person who feels loved if she gets a certain kiss or touch, so she tries to show her love to you that way. Naturally, it doesn't work; you're waiting for those three little words. Loving couples learn to express their love in the way their mate best understands. I'm sure your girlfriend will do the same once she understands this.
Wishing you more "I love you's,"
What should I do?
Why is it almost no one can accept that someone is not necessarily attracted to you just because you're attracted to them? If you learn this early, it will help you in life. When someone tells you they only like you as a friend and that you're not their type, that means what it says. They don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend with you. It also means they don't want to kiss you, hug, hold hands or have any kind of physical relationship. It also means you should find someone else to love. Accept that you and this girl will just be friends and that's it. If you don't, you'll ruin a nice friendship and make yourself even more unhappy.
I'm sure you can find a girl who wants to more than a friend and who thinks you're her type. Good luck,
I met this gal over the chat session 2 weeks earlier. We both found each other that we have a lot in common. I liked her and she liked me too. She wrote a nice poem to me and I did in turn. We chatted over the phone a couple of times (unusually very lengthy 6-7 hrs). We both felt very comfortable with each other. We exchanged our photos too. She is from different state and a student. I'm 26 and she is only 20.
I sent her flowers too (after asking her permission) and on the same day she got my flowers, I happened to find her on some romance chat room. Suddenly I got mad and I told her I don't want to see her on those kind of chat rooms again. she said she is not my property. I said it's fine and said good bye to her and mailed her photoes back to her.
Then next day I realized it was a mistake and I was unwantedly jealous and sent her 4-5 e-mails apologizing for my good bye and wanted her friendship back. She didn't reply at all. I tried to call her 5-6 times. She never picked up and didn't reply to my messages. Then she'd sent this e-mail saying "Please don't call me. I don't want to talk to you anymore. We should go in separate ways and I met another nice person. So please leave me alone and let me get on with my life". I sent a e-mail back saying 'please give me a last chance to talk you over the phone'. She never replied. When again I found her in some chat room, I tried to contact her and she said "please leave me alone. You are freaking me out". I'm totally distressed and hurt. I really liked this person and I know she liked me. And also I feel very guilty that because of me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
Please give me some advice. What should I do? Should I forget about her? Or Should I wait and try to contact her again (But I'm really afraid, she might think I'm trying to stalk her or something)..Please I need your sincere advice that would be a great help to me.
The "relationship" is over. End. Finished. What part of GET LOST don't you understand?
Never, ever contact this woman agaiin. Next time, be smart. Don't let yourself get obsessive about a woman and don't get possessive. Don't be the kind of guy a woman can't be nice to because right away he'll start to think she belongs to him. You have no right to an exclusive relationship with someone you have only talked to on the net. Let this be a lesson to you. You can't buy a woman's love with flowers or any thing else.
Hoping you'll stop before you make matters worse,
Dr. Tracy says, "Is your question urgent? Many of the most beseeching, desperate messages I get are not answered in this column because the answer is just a couple of clicks away in my Love Library. Have you tried my Love Library? I know that nobody goes to libraries anymore, but check this one out -- it's so easily searchable that it's fun and easy to use!"
If you can't find your answer in the Library and you feel you MUST have an answer, you can get a personal answer from Dr. Tracy within 48 hours by availing yourself of her inexpensive private counseling.