1/26/97 Advice Column
I'll call myself Steve and my girlfriend's name is Julie. We are both in college. We've been together for about a year. First let me describe myself. I'm about 135 lbs with sandy, wavey hair and green eyes. I was the first and only person she had ever had sex up until this point. Since I am an Engineering major, Julie is always complaining that I don't have enough time for her. I don't think she is happy with our sex life, because she is always saying that I should be more creative in bed. We have always used condoms even though she is on the pill "just in case". I had always wanted to be the first one to make love to her without a comdom. Anyway, let me tell you my story.
About a month ago Julie talked me into going on a double date with her friend Kelly and her date Brian. I rented a movie and wanted to stay in with Julie. I hated Brian and didn't want to go but Julie promised me a "good time" later that night. She said it would mean alot to Kelly. When I picked her up she had on her sexy, skin tight black dress that I bought her.
Let me tell you about Brian. I thought he was a complete asshole when I first met him. He was always rude to me and I found him rather intimidating. Anyway, this guy is on the gymnastics team and in a fraternity. He's about 6 feet and very muscular. He's pretty big compared to me (he's probably a good 250lbs of solid muscle). He has bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, 2 gold hoop earings and tan skin that I think he gets from a tanning salon. Anyway, back to my story.
At dinner that night Brian was being totally mean to Kelly until she just got up and left. Since she drove her and Brian, we had to give him a ride home. Julie asked if he would like to come to my place for a while which pissed me off. My roommates were out and I was hoping to have a good time. I talked to Julie in the other room and she said she was sorry for inviting him over. Then we started to kiss and I couldn't wait to get rid of that guy.
We decided to watch the movie with Brian. Brian sat on the couch and Julie and I shared the big chair in front. About midway through the movie Julie asked me to massage her shoulders. Then Brian said had taken some masseuse classes and he offered to massage her shoulders with my consent. He said we were all civilized adults. I said sure hoping that she would decline. Instead she agreed and he sat on the floor in front of the couch and she sat in front of him. I watched for a minute while he massaged her shoulders and then I got jealous and turned to watch the movie again. Then Brian asked me if we had any massage oil and I got pissed and said no. Then Julie said that we did and went to get it. I followed her down the hall to the closet and she turned to me and asked me why I was jealous. I stuttered and tried to answer but she grabbed the oil and said, "'cmon, we're all civilized adults here," and began to walk back. I followed and she gave him our "cherry flavored massage oil" that we never really used for massages and Brian chuckled. I went back to my seat.
I watched in anger as Brian lowered the straps of her dress and rubbed in the oil. Almost immediately Julie said how great it felt. Not able to watch anymore, I turned back to the tv and started to watch the movie again. A couple of minutes later I looked back again and saw that Brian's massages were now more of a soft carressing of her shoulders. I was really jealous now. Then Brian looked at me and said he was going to take his shirt off and before I could say anything he whipped off his sweatshirt. This guy had huge arms and a smooth, hairless chest that had muscles bulging out everywhere! I'm not dumb, I knew what was going on. I just couldn't believe that this guy was trying to seduce Julie with me sitting in the same room. This guy had no respect for me. I was so afraid when I saw his muscles. I think he could tell. He was completely confident that I couldn't stop him. That's when I decided to stop him (so I thought).
I got up and walked toward them and called out Julie's name. She looked up at me with a kind of a look of distress. I think she wanted me to stop this but Brian gave me an evil look that stopped me in my tracks. I know he saw the fear in my eyes. I was trembling. He then dumped more oil on her shoulders that dripped down her chest and back and all over her black dress. He unzipped the back of her dress and I watched as he then ran his hands slowly up and down her back. Then with Julie holding up the front of her dress, Brian slowly slipped his hands underneath it, wrapped his hands around until he was carressing her breasts! Julie jerked and grunted a little bit while still looking at me. I then said, "Brian, stop it!" He just grinned at me and began to kiss her neck. I then yelled "stop!" as Julie's eyes began to close. Then she let go of her dress and it fell to her waist exposing Brian's hands still carressing her breasts. Then I watched in complete horror as Julie fell back, turned her head, grabbed the back of his head, and shot her tongue into his mouth. I yelled "NO, STOP!!!", but the situation was out of control. Still heavily French kissing, Julie turned to him and then they got to their knees. Their hands were sliding all over each other's bodies as they kissed in a complete frenzy. Julie's breathing was crazy. I don't think Julie ever kissed me like that. Our kisses are usually slow and romantic. With Brian, she clutched the back of his head and the kisses were so sloppy that I could see their shiny tongues thursting between them. Then Julie grabbed the oil bottle and dumped the rest of it on Brian's chest. I then said, "Please stop Julie. I love you!" but by this time Brian had just slipped her dress off and Julie's face was buried in his chest lapping off the oil. I realized I couldn't stop Julie at this point. It was like she was under a spell or something. I pretty much gave up and watched as Brian took complete control of Julie.
Just to end my story, Julie and Brian proceeded to perform oral sex on each other still in front of me while I occationally pleaded for them to stop. Then I watched again in horror as Brian slammed her against the wall, lift her up by the ass, and began to pump her without a condom while her legs wrapped around his back. This whole time Brian looked at me and grinned a few times but Julie seemed to have forgotten my presence. The thing that hurt me the most and will stick in my head forever is what Julie was screaming while they had sex. She screamed over and over again, "You're so thick! You're so f*cking thick! I feel like a virgin!" Everyday I think of her screaming those words. I think of her lips stretching around his thick penis. I think of the sight of his thick penis penetrating her. It was very thick, much thicker than mine. I was rather embarrassed because it took about 2 minutes just for Brian's penis to stretch and fully fill Julie's tight vagina. As of right now, she and Brian are still "seeing each other".
Julie agreed to stay with me and not tell any of my friends what happened as long as she can now use my car at her will instead of just to work and if I would provide a room for her and Brian when my 2 roommates are out. I would be humiliated if my friends found out what happened. What makes me mad is that Julie and Brian hang out at my place and Brian has taken a couple of my friends to parties while I'm out. I think they're actually starting to like him more than me!
O.K. now be completely honest with me. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. You don't even know me. What would YOU have done if you were in Julie's situation? There is muscular, sexy man that proceeded to unzip your dress, carress your breasts, and kiss your neck right in front of your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is kind of scrawney and you are unhappy with your sex life with him. He also doesn't seem to be trying to stop this guy. What would YOU have done?
Now I have a major confession to make. Even though this was the most horrible site I've ever witnessed in my life, I got an erection as I watched Brian seduce Julie. I don't know what it was. It was like Brian had control of me too. He was just so powerful. A strange part of me was turned on by the sight of Julie helplessly fighting Brian in his strong, powerful arms. I think a little part of me wanted Brian to have sex with Julie. How could Brian do this to me? I think this is part of the reason that I didn't take any action against Brian. What made me feel this way? I have even mastrabated with the memory of Julie succombing and frantically French kissing and having sex with Brian as I watched. His thick penis may have actually been an added turn on. What is going on here?
Would you, as a woman, praise or condem her actions that night? Do you think she did the right thing in fulfilling her sexual needs? Why did she proceed to have sex with Brian right in front of me? Why was she so out of control? What do you think about Brian? How do you think he was able take control of Julie like that and get her in such a frenzy? Would you be physically attracted to him? Also why do I still love Julie?
Now, what do you think happened to Julie? She had always been so good and caring. She has changed in other ways as well. She stopped going to church and her wardrobe over the past month has changed from conservative to skimpy, tight, and "slutty". Over the past month she's gotten so "hot"!!!
She even got one of those skin-tight, shiny, latex-looking outfits. Its black pants and a skimpy, top that clings to her breasts. I think she bought it just to drive me crazy because I told her about how those outfits turn me on. When she wears that outfit and her dark red lipstick, its like she has complete control of me. She seems to only wear it to ask me for something or when she sees my friends. I even have this crazy fantasy that she is wearing that sexy outfit and she has me pinned against a wall while we are slowly, passionatly kissing. Then she starts kissing me crazier and I think she wants me until I move closer and feel Brian's hand's between me and her breasts and I realize why she is so turned on. It then becomes a contest for me and I try to kiss her harder as I feel Brian kiss her neck. Eventually I lose to Brian when Julie breaks our kiss and turns her head back and begins French kissing him right in front of my eyes. Then Brian peels off her latex pants and vigerously f*cks Julie from behind with me still pinned between her and the wall. I feel every hard thrust and smell Julie's breath as she pants in my face.
A couple of times I thought about getting her out of my life but every once in a while she gives me one of those kisses that drives me crazy. She kisses me just enough to let me feel her hot tongue in my mouth and taste her. Her taste melts me. I hope that maybe she'll kiss me and realize that she misses me and comes back to me. I want her back so bad. What is wrong with me?
O.K. I know I should move on with my life, but I just need some answers before I do that. First of all, I need to know what happened to Julie. What did Brian do to make her so out of control and uncaring. Second, why did I find the sight of Brian seducing Julie so erotic? It was so erotic to watch Brian's strength and power take control of Julie. Why do I have these fantasies? Finally, how was Brian able to take such a control of both mine and Julie's lives?
I'm sorry to take up your time but I needed to get this off my chest and get some advice. I just can't believe that I just WATCHED as another guy seduced and had sex with the girl I love!!! If you could answer some or all of my questions it would help me out alot. Thank you for your time.
If this really happened to you, and is still happening, you're in trouble. If you keep subjecting yourself to this kind of humiliation, you'll be damaging your self-respect. I'd suggest you get out of this situation immediately, however exciting it may be. I wouldn't be too quick to worry about bi-sexual feelings, though, since it was the whole experience which turned you on, not just Brian.
If this is your fantasy, it's probably harmless. However, you shouldn't be passing it off as the truth because soon you'll be in danger of making the fantasy your reality. You won't be able to remember the difference between reality and fantasy.
I met a 46 y/o man just before Thanksgiving by chance. I was reluctant at first to respond. He gave me his tele # and I contacted him a few weeks later. We began to see on another. As we began to see one another it was obvious he was interested in me sexually also. He invited me to his Christmas party and I attended, afterwards we went to a movie and I responded to him and acted on impulse and we became intimate. I was not prepared for the outcome. He is a professional person and we have been seeing each other 1-2x week. The sex is incredible with him. I saw him for almost 2 mos. before we became intimate but I find the more I see him to more I like him and am beginning to care for him.
The situation that has developed is that he seems only to be available on a particular week night and Fri. nights only. I realize that due to his schedule and his family staying with him that this may be the reason but cannot help but feel it is too predictable, with no deviations, and wonder if there isn't something else.
This morning he told me a number of things which. reduced in brief, he stated that he enjoyed being with me but only wanted to see me those particular 2 days per week. Of course more was said but I am paraphrazing. At the time he said it I was alright with it but now feel very hurt. Perhaps I misunderstood but I feel I should trust the discomfort level I am feeling with what he said to me. I really don't know what to think.
He has been married twice before (last marriage 10+ years ago), which is already something I am uncomfortable with, but he has demonstrated many moments of thoughtfulness, caring and compassion. However, it sometimes feels strained to have conversations as he seems guarded. I thought we were becoming closer and he felt more relaxed with me and then the conversation this monring.
I do enjoy his company but do not know about these preappointed days. I don't want to be too hard on him but I am not at ease with such a suggestion to me, which I feel is dictorial. I am in trouble here because I have started to care. I stupidly told him I enjoyed our friendship and was becoming very fond of him.
What to do? Your suggestions are appreciated. I do not wish to be harsh in my assessment but need an independent opinion. Thank you. We are suppose to go out again on Mon. Should I just be busy or confront him with my concerns?
Need Answer by Monday!
A man who will only see you on certain nights, like Friday night, obviously has Saturday night scheduled for something or someone more important than you. You have every right to worry that he's hiding something, because he certainly is. It could be a wife or girlfriend, or possibly something less threatening, but you need to know.
It's quite amazing to me that he'd lay down this schedule and not offer any explanation of why. It shows no respect for you or your feelings -- worse than how a married man treats a mistress. You are in trouble if you're starting to care for him, because without trust there's no love and you have no basis for trusting this man.
You must let him know you won't be a slave to his dictates and that if he wants a relationship with you, he's going to have to let you know what's going on in his life. If he refuses to tell you and you can't let go, think about hiring a private detective to find out more about him. Knowledge is power and you need more.
Don't be afraid to find out the truth.
Read "How Much to Give and When" in my Library, and think about picking up a copy of my book, "How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You," a Dell paperback.
I'm Ravi, a 15 y.o. Sri Lankan boy living in Australia.
I'm going to a boys-only school and thinking about picking up a girl through our social night (like an under-age disco). I've read your advice and all, but have one problem.... since I'm black and looking for a sweet and smart blonde/brunette... What are the odds? I think I have a fairly small chance of scoring the girl that I want... How do I build up my confidence and how do I be more unique to the girl that I want to show her that I'm the perfect guy for her?
Please help Doctor... ***please*** coz this is a once-in-a-lifetime situation to me...
I agree with you that you have a fairly small chance of scoring the girl you want.
Unfortunately, you are doing exactly what many men and women do. You are making your romantic goal so difficult that you could very well go without a relationship for a long time. Short dark men who say they are only turned on by tall blonde women are setting themselves up to fail.
The color of a woman's hair has very little to do with whether she's smart or sweet. Why can't you put the more important qualities in front of the physical ones? After all, hair color can change; real character doesn't.
If you understand that a short woman of any coloring can be attractive, exciting, and loving, your life experience in loving relationships can begin. Otherwise, it may be stunted.
At this point in your life, you should be making the most of who you are. Then, when you've become the best "you" that you can be, the right woman will find you and you her. Perhaps by then you will have learned what qualities are really important in a woman -- kindness, support, loyalty, love, sincerity, -- and that they're all more important than height, hair color or skin color.
Dr. Tracy says, "Is your question urgent? Many of the most beseeching, desperate messages I get are not answered in this column because the answer is just a couple of clicks away in my Love Library. Have you tried my Love Library? I know that nobody goes to libraries anymore, but check this one out -- it's so easily searchable that it's fun and easy to use!"
If you can't find your answer in the Library and you feel you MUST have an answer, you can get a personal answer from Dr. Tracy within 48 hours by availing yourself of her inexpensive private counseling.