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Cartoon Kiss

Current (1/23/11) Column --

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Sex or Security
When He's Taken



Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Dear Dr. Tracy,

Today, my boyfriend left for Australia from USA (where we live), in which he will be staying for 160 days. He couldn't get out of the trip. During this time, I will not be able to see him, and I'll rarely get to talk to him. He's the only guy I've ever loved, and I'm the only girl he's ever loved, so his leaving is extremely hard on both of us.

The main issue is I feel as if his missing me will ruin his good time, so I was contemplating ending things so he could further enjoy his trip. This way, he'd spend 10-15 days being sad, then he'd get over it, versus 160 days of him missing me. I'm uncertain whether I should break things off, and get back together with him when he returns (if we still feel the same), or if I should stay with him and ruin his trip, but hope things work out when he returns.

Dear Uncertain,

Of course you shouldn't break up with your boyfriend to keep him from missing you. Missing you will be better than his feeling miserable the whole time he's away, wondering why you broke up with him and feeling sad. He'd feel much worse that way than missing you would make him feel

Besides, missing you will be good for him and for your relationship. There's nothing like missing someone to make you realize how much you really care for that person and how much they mean to you.

Let him miss you, and he'll come back better for it. Break up with him and there's no guarantee that he won't hook up with someone else in Australia and not be available to you when he gets back. So why take chances with a break up when you have everything going for you by letting him miss you?

You wouldn't want to lose the only guy you ever loved by doing something so foolish as breaking up for no real reason.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy



Sex or Security

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I Need help. I'm 31 from Miami. I believe I'm running out of time to get married and have a family.

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I like her and she is a beautiful person and dedicated to me. We live together and she is very special to me.

However, I just recently met a girl that I had a sexual relationship with and a little more. She turns me inside out and can't stop thinking about her.

This new girl told me to erase her phone because I was never going to break up with my girlfriend. This girl has a lot of qualities I like plus when I see her I get tingles in my stomach.

What should I do? Break up or forget this girl ever happened and get married with my girlfriend?

I would highly appreciate your opinion.

Regards,

Tormented fellow.

Dear Tormented,

Sex doesn't make up for 4 years of living together and having someone dedicated to you. Your girlfriend is very special to you and yet you had a fling with someone else. You shouldn't make any decision about getting married until you are sure you are making the right move.

As long as you are craving sex with the other woman, you won't be able to totally commit to the woman you are with. So postpone the marriage decision and see how things work out.

It's very possible that the sex interest will turn out to be just that, a hot roll in the hay, but far from the beautiful person you have now. She may be a good sex partner, but a life partner requires something more. It requires trust, security and the comfort of knowing that person is there for you no matter what.

A few tingles and a sexual encounter don't make a relationship.

Also, if you feel that time is running out to get married and have a family, you should realize the time frame involved in starting over. You're looking at years before you get as close to someone new as you are with the current girlfriend.

Sometimes the best decision is no decision. Time will give you the right answer.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy



When He's Taken

Dear Dr. Tracy,

Age: 29 marital status: single, never married

Hello, was hoping to get some advice. I met a guy in college when I was 20. We talked a little bit here and there. I like him alot more than just a friend. I can't seem to forget him. even though it has been almost 10 years.

Since then I dropped out of college. I dont want to be with anyone else. I am convinced I am going to marry him one day and that he is the love of my life. He is now happily married to another girl now.

I emailed him in February 2010. He said he didn't think we should talk becuase he is married now and doesn't live in this area anymore. What should I do about this situation? should I try to find someone else? I love him though.

Dear Can't Forget,

You are in total fantasy land. You talked to this guy. You never had a real relationship. You didn't have sex, or even date. And all this happened ten years ago. What on earth makes you think you're in love with him?

It's time for you to move on and forget this one. Not having enough going on in your life is one reason you are obsessing about this man. Get a grip. Go on line at match.com or eharmony.com or any of the other dating sites on the internet and find someone to love who is available.

This guy is married, and obviously doesn't want to even talk to you let alone have a relationship with you. You may be convinced he will marry you some day, but you really are fooling yourself. Give up this fantasy and accept the reality. He's married, he's not interested in you, and will probably never be available to you. So yes, you should try to find someone else.

Don't let your life pass you by living in a dream that will never become real.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy





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(Featured art from cover of Letting Go, by Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, published by "Bitan" Publishers, Tel-Aviv, Israel)
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