Although this website and my professional expertise are
primarily dedicated to helping people with flesh-and-blood
relationships, cyber-relationships count, too. If all you
really want is a cyber-penpal or cybersex, fine,
but if you're looking in cyberspace for a flesh-and-blood
relationship, I don't want you to spin your wheels or set
yourself up for disappointment. Here are a couple of ways
that can happen.
- Who are you talking to?
-
Until technology allows us to see an image of the person
we're corresponding with, and confirm by electronic
signature that the person and the picture match, you really
don't know who's at the other end of your e-mail exchange.
He/she could be a bright kid in junior high school somewhere
having fun with an online persona as an older person of the
opposite sex.
Sure, you think you can't be fooled over the course of an
extended e-mail exchange, but don't be so sure. I've had
clients who actually dated someone who turned out to
be a different person than they claimed to be.
Again, if you're not ready for or really interested in a
flesh-and-blood relationship, then of course this doesn't
apply to you. But if you are, I urge you strongly to read
"`Qualifying' Someone" to get my
recommendations on what you should know about someone before
you start to get dreamy about them -- no matter how you
meet.
- A Flood of Remote Prospects
-
The online dating and matchmaking services make "meeting
people" fast and inexpensive. It's great escapism for
singles who are tired of the local, conventional "dating
scene." It's easy to be seduced into the wishful thinking
that you're reading profiles of real people.
Don't get me wrong -- I like some aspects of online dating,
and some profiles are more or less real.
Match.com, for
example, seems to have a lot of real people, and they offer
a geographic filter. Some online services don't, however,
and that's a problem. Unless you're stuck in someplace like Barrow,
Alaska, it just makes no sense to start matching preferences
with the U.S. population at large (again, unless you're only
interested in entertainment).
Sure, we've all read accounts of bi-coastal marriages
resulting from online "meets," but common sense dictates
that you use the efficiency of online matchmaking to find
interesting prospects in your own city or area. It's tough
enough getting a fix on someone even if you can see them
conveniently and meet their friends (again, see "`Qualifying' Someone" for the nuts
and bolts of checking someone out); if the other person is
halfway across the county, you're dramatically raising the
odds of making a big mistake.
If you use online matchmaking wisely, you might actually
wind up meeting a cyber-penpal. To be sure you do so
safely, please read "Going Beyond E-
Mail".
Related Keywords: Meeting People, Over-Romanticizing, Bad Prospects
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copyright 1995-2009 Tracy Cabot
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