Ask Dr. Tracy

For Women: How to Attract a Man


1. You Don't Have To Look Like A Movie Star

It's true that men are instinctively attracted to big- busted, sexy-looking women (see "Developing Realistic Criteria"). But intelligent men are wise enough to ignore this instinct and enlightened enough to look for a woman who will bring more valuable attributes to a long-term relationship.

Being affectionate is one of these attributes. Perhaps because men want affection but find it more difficult to initiate than we do, most men rate affection as more important than beauty. Men are definitely turned off by women who aren't lovable and affectionate.

Do you have frequent opportunities to be warm, open and affectionate with your family or kids? Or are you so tied up with your career and fighting to succeed that you've lost touch with your affectionate, vulnerable side? Or have you been hurt so much by past relationships that you're afraid of being open and affectionate with a man? Men sense this right away.

If you've been having trouble attracting men, try being more open and affectionate. How? Many times women will come for counseling and show more love and affection for my dogs or cats than they have in years with a man. Getting a pet can sometimes reopen your affectionate side.

If you find it easy to love and hug and pamper a pet, yet you feel inhibited about showing affection to a man you care about, try thinking about him as a cat or a dog you love. Feed him. Pet him. Love him. Shower him with affection. He'll appreciate that more than a perfect 10 figure or a pretty face.

2. You Do Need To Be Happy

Being happy is also more important than being beautiful. When men talk about traits they want in a women, most often mentioned is a "good personality." Basically, that means someone who is happy.

Nothing is more important in attracting a man than the way he perceives you and how life with you would be. So, if you want to attract a happy, healthy man, look like you're happy, enjoying your life and having fun.

If you're unhappy with your life, keep it to yourself and work on solving the problem. Men are drawn to women who are enjoying their lives. Your lover is not your therapist or your lawyer.

The truth is that no man is attracted to a depressed woman unless he's neurotic himself. If you meet a guy who seems happy listening to you whine and complain, don't be flattered, be worried. A man who falls in love with you when you're depressed has a sick, desperate need to feel superior. He will fall right out of love if you ever get happy. If you find such a man, his price is your having to stay depressed forever.

Get happy. Then get a healthy man.

3. If You're In A Depressing Relationship, Get Out Of It

If you're not attracting men because you're depressed, and the reason you're depressed is because you're in an unsatisfying relationship, get out of it. See the "Letting Go" Section of my Library, starting with "Convenient Relationships".

Don't stay in a go-nowhere relationship, waiting for Mr. Right to rescue you. When you're half-in, half-out of an unfulfilling relationship, you are not really available for a wonderful man if he does come along. He will sense your inability to be totally available, and you remain stuck with the previous unfulfilling man.

4. Project The Right Image

Are you sane, balanced, settled, with both feet on the ground and your head on your shoulders? Or are you scattered and neurotic, without any stability in your life? Would a man feel safe marrying you, allowing you to use his credit cards, write checks from his checkbook, and most importantly making you the mother of his children? Would he feel safe leaving his children with you?

If you're the wild and crazy type, that's probably the kind of man you'll attract. Of course, sane men are attracted to crazy women -- for a lark. Later, when a sane man picks a wife, he picks a sane woman. He wants someone he can take home to his mother without being disowned for life. He wants someone he can take around his business associates without losing business. He wants someone he can depend on.

When you're ready to get serious, tone down your most outrageous behaviors and show him your responsible side. Let a man see that you are the type of woman he can make a life with.


Related Keywords: Attracting, Meeting People



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